~grey88

Alright, so... I have been brought to yet another... sad realization. To describe this sad realization, I have a small bit of prose for you.

Welcome to America, where fantasy is reality... and reality is a fantasy. Where normal is to be assumed when one is a raving lunatic from the depths of the seventh circle of hell, and he who hath a smile hath the wrath of the American public. Where the feeling that you have a stalker is to be expected, and hippies are acceptable in society.

To be clear: The last paragraph is NOT sarcasm. On a secondary note, I finally joined the DANG (Delaware Air National Guard, for future reference). I do a DANG lot of things each drill weekend for DANG. DANG fires. DANG houses. DANG hippies? NO. Why? Because I refuse to believe that someone in DANG could be a hippie. Damn hippies. Whoops.

So after hiding it for a while, I finally get to reveal that I can, in fact, use pastels. Now I'm not exactly GOOD at it, yet, and so I'll start by showing off only a few of my works... basically, I do a lot better if I have inspiration or a picture to glance at now and then.

So, I guess I'll give a bit of a preview.

First, Creepachu. Yes, it is pikachu... but no, it's not.

Second, a sunset thingly. Inspiration never looked so... off.

Third, A wolf. Why? Because I like wolves, get out of my face.

Fourth, BATMAN! Why? BECAUSE BATMAN ROCKS. Why? BECAUSE. Peanuts? BATMAN!

Half a day later, the zombies came and took all my pastels. What did I do? I called up BATMAN, of course. Why? Because he's BATMAN! He's The Dark Knight (6 DAYS!). He kicks zombie ASS. Seriously, Batman verses hoard of zombies? Even MY zombies? Batman will KICK ITS ASS. Maybe he punches a few in the face. Maybe he drops a bat-bomb down their pants. Maybe he nukes their half of the earth. Maybe I don't get my pastels back. Maybe I don't care. Maybe you should go play with fire. Fire is good. Maybe I wasn't making a suggestion. Maybe it was an order. Maybe Batman will come drop a batbomb down YOUR pants if you don't go play with fire. The Dark Knight comes out in 6 days. Maybe the theater is safe. Maybe you go get yourself some tickets. Maybe this whooooooooooole thing goes away.

were released into the zombie public today, thus cutting their enormous IQ down by about half, a mere six hundred billion at this point. Unfortunately, moments later, the zombie populace realized that it was still smart enough to kill off the negative intelligences, and, doing so, has re-upped its infinitely huge IQ to 1.3 trillion, a feat which the zombie hoards have not seen for... ever. So really, no good news at all. Wait... oh yeah, a couple hundred psychopaths no longer exist at all. Makes sense to me. That's good news, right?

*Zombie update network*

And so, we have a minor issue right now.

First, the three primary evils of the world--zombies, hippies, and hillbillies.

Zombies, also known as "the living dead", come in many forms, some of which people may not consider "zombies." I don't really make much distinction, they're all corpses in my eyes.

There are three major types of zombies in today's terminology, that being--zombies, vampires, and compilations. Now, as we all know, zombies WILL take over the world. It is simply a matter of time, as the curve of WD40 goes to 0 and the number of dead people goes to infinity. How does WD40 relate to that, you ask? Simple. As WD40 runs out, men go insane from being unable to fix anything anymore. When men can't fix anything, they grow idle. When men grow idle, necromancers come, and then everything pretty much gets shot to hell, zombies rise, and take over the earth. As a side note, I don't believe in the "sluggish, abnormally slow," zombie steriotype. They can climb, they are agile, and one of them is more than enough to take on ten or twenty men. Think "I am Legend" on this one, and you have about what my zombies look like.

Next, vampires. Now, to be perfectly clear, I don't make the distinctions here. Thusly, yall figure this one out yerselves. I won't have anything to do with how you want to define these nasty creatures. As to their role in how zombies take over the world, they have none. They kind of stay out of the way, trying not to piss off the zombie hoards. Given, there may be a few thousand vamps in the world, maybe even a couple million. However, when the entire human race from the dawn of time till now comes back to life and says, "Piss off, vampires," well, there's not a whole lot that a million vampires can do against close to ten billion zombies. Even if you make vampires 100 or 200 times as strong as a zombie, it just doesn't stand a chance when it's close to 6 million to 1. On top of that, given the current rate of human population increase, the zombies will have an army well over 20 billion strong before the vampires even get CLOSE to 2 million. That makes it waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay out of proportion. Vampires will die if they decide to pick a fight with a hoard that big. Period. And given that zombies are a lot like undead human blood hounds, well, game over if the vamps decide, "Let's do guerrilla warfare." I'm not saying that my zombies can reason incredibly well, but with a collective intelligence of nearly 40 billion (assuming they all have an intelligence of 2, and then allowing them to have some sort of hive mind), the singular intelligences of the vampires just won't be enough to do much.

Now, we come to compilations. Given that zombies work on the hive mind property, and vamps work on singular psyche, you would have to wonder what happens when a zombie consumes a vampire, or visa versa. Insanity, is the answer. Basically, a singular mind that can communicate with other minds, or--a psychic zombie. Why would this be dangerous, you ask? Any remaining humans would be unable to hide, and then the fun would begin. What happens when the world has no human beings left to hunt?

Good news--the vampires get screwed, as do all the zombies, and compilations, all at once. Joel, Ben, Sean, Ryan, Matt, Kurt, Kris, Leslie, Jenny, Joy, Sally, and I, will be prepared. How prepared? This prepared. What happens when you combine that much love for fire, that much ingenuity, and that many different ideas of how to make certain that the entire world burns? That's right, THE WORLD BURNS. Seriously, the surface of the earth, it burns. And what happens when the world burns? Hilarity ensues.

Next, hippies. In my mind, the zombie and hippie threat are much the same. And thus, my tiredness has caught me, and I shall go to bed.

Thusly I declare it so--The Windows Operating system has made a fool of me for the last time, and I shall defeat it. I shall destroy it, it shall fall!

Now then, in all seriousness, there's a fun problem with windows right now, and I can't figure it out. And so, I have determined that due to the fact that windows won't even let me into safe mode, much less the hard drives (this one happens to be a linux partition, HA! LINUX PREVAILS!), I will not allow this problem to persist.

Now, for those of you who don't do "seriousness," and skipped to the part that I start talking about ninjas, I say to you, go, get your copy of linux, else the ninjas find you and destroy your copy of windows as well. My copy was found lacking, and so I can no longer use it.

Now for the shortest story ever. My windows is brain dead, the end.

I SHALL DESTROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOY IT!